Monday, November 7, 2011

From the Private and Personal Diary of Lotus Louise Klapper

Entry # 8
National Protect Yourself Day

At school today Mr. Harold P. Loomis, a.k.a. The Gnome of Rising Creek Middle School, gave one of his spittle lectures. That means if you're unlucky enough to be sitting in the first three rows of math class you will drown in Mr. Loomis’s spit. 

As The Queen of Lotus Nation you'd think I could do something to spare myself and my loyal subjects from the Degradation of the Beast Creature, but unfortunately my powers — vast though they be — do not yet extend to Room 208 in Rising Creek Middle School. 

I put both my hands in the position of “Warding Off Evil,” exactly as Becky Waller-Klein taught me (“Make the sign of two horns and point them at your intended victim”) but it didn’t work. Mr. Loomis did not fall down in a fit. I made the sign of two horns, under my desk, for the entire period and nothing happened. 

I am in great despondency. 

Godiva looks really cute with pink hair.

To be continued . . .