Sunday, November 6, 2011

From the Private and Personal Diary of Lotus Louise Klapper

Entry #7
National Hair Alteration Day
Mrs. Klapper is leading an insurrection. She has  gotten Mr. Klapper entirely on her side and these two serfs have forbidden me (ha!) to dye my hair blue. 

Godiva Sheridan’s mother, who is a psycho-therapist, let her dye her hair pink. Mrs. Sheridan knows how important it is for a growing person to have Freedom of Expression. If she weren’t so old I would let her be one of my Ladies in Perpetual Waiting. She is the only decent grown up I know, except for my Grandma Iris. Naturally, Mr. and Mrs. Klapper hate Mrs. Sheridan, although they try to deny it. (“I don’t hate anyone,” Mrs. Klapper says. Double ha.)
I said if I couldn’t have blue hair then I should at least be able to get my navel pierced. Mrs. Klapper started to cry. She acts like that’s some holy part of the body. I told her “Please stop saying ‘belly button,’ Mrs. Klapper, the proper word is navel.” 

She said if I don’t call her Mom or Mother I shouldn't call her anything at all. We are now totally not speaking. 

Mr. Klapper is spending more and more time at work. He said the atmosphere at home is no longer conducive to his well-being. I don't know what he's talking about. I may have to make him my Minister of Foreign Affairs and send him off to some other planet. Let's see how conducive that is to his well-being. 

To be continued . . .