Wednesday, November 2, 2011

From the Private and Personal Diary of Lotus Louise Klapper

Entry #3
National Bumper Roses Day
Today I, Lotus Louise Klapper, and my best friends Avis Beam, Becky Waller-Klein and Godiva Sheridan, will wander among the cars in the faculty parking lot of Rising Creek Middle School and when we find a car with a cool bumper sticker we'll put a rose under the windshield wipers as a special commendation for wit, originality, outrageousness and/or excellence. 

It will not be hard for us to get a lot of roses for free because National Bumper Roses Day just accidentally coincidentally on purpose falls on the day when all the garbage cans are overflowing with slightly-used roses. This most clever of ideas was thought up by none other than Avis Beam and for her brilliance she has been awarded the title of Chief Lady in Perpetual Waiting. 

Now Becky and Godiva have incentive to be equally clever and if they are they will be suitably rewarded. But if they are not they run the risk of severe demotion. Times are hard and life is tough and the sooner they learn these facts the better off they will be. 

I didn’t receive a Valentine’s Day card from Kenny Bergermeister. I think that somehow he still doesn’t know who I am. I will have to do something about this. 

I did receive a card from Max Rainwater. He didn't sign it but I could tell by the smell. Pickles. Yuck. I hope that by ignoring him, he'll eventually go away. But if I have to take more decisive action I am certainly prepared to do so. 

I am Lotus Louise Klapper, Queen of All. Some people may call me the Queen of Mean but they better not let me hear them say that. 

To be continued . . .