National Lotus Day
I, Lotus Louise Klapper, do hereby declare myself a Sovereign Nation, under me, dedicated and devoted to me, ruled by me, for me, and all about me, so help me, me.
As High Priestess, President Suprema and Empress Extraordinaire I pronounce this, the first day of my nationhood, as National Lotus Day.
On this day I will do no chores, eat nothing made out of soy, listen to no one who says anything I don’t want to hear, and read nothing that I don’t choose to read with my own free will.
My parents will be like specks of dust beneath my feet. Ricky Carlton, next door, will be lower than the lowliest worm. Fiona Feingold will be banished from my kingdom for the rest of her natural born life which, if I have anything to say about it — and I do — will be short and painful. And Kenny Bergermeister will find he can’t stop thinking about me, in a very good way, even though he doesn’t know me — yet.
Before going to bed I will allow my parents to become specks of dust who actually speak, so they can say “good night, most majestic Majesty.” But after that they will return to being the regular kind of silent specks of dust.
I am Lotus Louise Klapper the Great. I am Cruel. But sometimes I am Merciful.
To be continued . . .