This is an imagined encounter between my fictional parents, 70 years ago.
july 1942
she is 15
a boy is in love with her
he wants to marry her
he is also 15
he looks 25
she looks 21
they go to the Bronx Zoo
he brings a blanket
and a brown paper bag
they sit on the blanket
far away from the smelly elephant house
she is careful to cross her legs
at the ankles
she has nice legs
she is not wearing stockings
and her painted toe nails
peek out of her sandals
he says
"pink is pretty"
what he means is
his mother and two older sisters
paint their toe nails red
and it scares him
but this girl
who he wants to marry
wears pale pink polish
and it is pretty
and she is pretty
in a way that everyone
recognizes
and also in another way
that only he recognizes
"what's in the paper bag?"
she asks him
she hopes he hasn't brought
a bottle of wine
or worse
a bottle of beer
she doesn't like the way
beer smells
she has never tasted any
she once tasted wine
but it was too sweet
and gave her a headache
she wants to pull
her knees up
she is getting a cramp
in her legs
but she doesn't know how
she could arrange her skirt
with her knees up
so she just reverses her feet
and now the left ankle
rests on top of the right
and there is some
relief in her calves
"apples," he says
and opens the bag
there are two apples
"I saved them from lunch"
"two?" she asks
"my mother gave me one
but then I took another one
for you"
he hands over an apple
she wishes he had a knife
or if she had a knife
she would peel the apples
her mother taught her how
to do it so the peel
comes off in one long
curly strip
she does not want to think
about her mother
her mother would not like this
she would not like this
at all
she doesn't approve of sitting
on the ground
not even on a blanket
because cold and damp can seep
through a blanket
and
what if you catch a chill?
why aren't you on a bench?
there's a perfectly good bench right over there
what are you doing at the zoo in the first place?
put your hanky over your nose
you don't want to breathe in the dirt
how do you know the apple
was properly washed?
and what if his mother
intended that apple for someone else?
what if that other person is going hungry now
because of you?
she doesn't want to hear her
mother
inside her head
but she hasn't learned yet
how to not hear
her mother's voice
so she bites into the apple
she has good strong teeth
it's a small sound
but it is enough to stop
her mother's voice
"that's good," she says
about the apple
and she smiles at him
but she does not laugh
he laughs too much
he laughs every day
he is always laughing
she doesn't think there is
that much to laugh about
she doesn't want to encourage him
she thinks if she only smiles
and not with her lips open
but with them shut
just letting the ends of her mouth go up
then he will get the message
but she is wrong
he laughs
he says "it sure is good"
and she doesn't think he means
only the apple
she notices he hasn't bitten
into his apple
he holds it in his right hand
and rolls it around
he never takes his eyes off of her
this is something else
she doesn't like
his laughter and his stare
how can she tell him?
she could say
"Morty
maybe it would be better
if you didn't laugh so much
and also
please don't look at me"
she practices the words
inside her head
this is what she wants to say
but also
she doesn't want to be rude
she is wondering about
the difference between
being rude and being honest
when he leans in close
and kisses her on her
apple-wet
not-laughing
only-a-little-bit-smiling
lips
this is not the first time
he has done this
he kissed her in Crotona Park
two times
last week
and he kissed her in front of the
Chinese Restaurant
on Tremont Avenue
that was wrong
she told him
"no"
because people
were walking by
what if somebody
recognized her
she does not want a reputation
but at the zoo
this far from the elephants
there is nobody around
and he brought her an apple
and she thinks she should say
no
but she doesn't want to say
no
she says "Morty"
and then she doesn't know
what else to say
she doesn't say anything
and he says
"Eve, I want to marry you"
and she says
"not now, Morty"
which she knows is not
the same thing as saying
no
