In this Family Saga there are 11 main “characters.”
Each question is asked by an unnamed person, addressing her unnamed sister, in our present time.
All the questions concern people and events from their past.
The two sisters were living in a large household with their relatives: Uncle Roland, Aunt Cosmos, Aunt Bobo, Aunt Lilian, cousins Delia, Reggie, Bizzie, Sadie, and Fig.
Do you remember the picnic where, at the very last minute, Aunt Bobo refused to come, even though she had all the food with her, and we ended up nibbling on blades of grass and sharing a single chocolate bar between ten of us?
Do you remember the day Delia stood in the middle of the garden reciting the names of all the flowers in Latin, but later we found out she was just talking gibberish?
Do you remember when Bizzie believed she was a bird and never stopped chirping from the time she woke up in the morning until she finally fell asleep?
Do you remember those weeks when Reggie and Delia were absolutely consumed by ping-pong?
Do you remember when a pigeon followed us home from the park but we weren't allowed to keep it as a pet and Aunt Bobo threatened to roast it if we didn't shut up about it?
Do you remember how much we looked forward to taking long train rides and how awful it was when Aunt Cosmos came along and lectured us on Good Manners and Proper Comportment and wouldn't let us play even a single game of War?
Do you remember that man who used to live down the road, Harold Hopsworth, who dropped his H's and wished us Appy Olidays, but when we called him Arold Opsworth he was not amused?
Do you remember when Sadie said she saw someone lurking behind the fence taking photographs of us dancing in the garden, and it turned out she was right and Uncle Roland had to chase the man away with a broom?
Do you remember when Aunt Cosmos and Uncle Roland tried to teach us how to tango and how Uncle Roland kept tripping over his feet and how he almost broke his ankle?
Do you remember when the Scottsdale cousins came to visit and Aunt Lilian insisted they were twins even though Priscilla was 11 and Bonnie-Belle was 6?
Do you remember when Fig taught herself ventriloquism and how upset she was when Uncle Roland hid her little dummy-doll and she refused to speak for days?
Do you remember when Uncle Roland bought those night vision goggles and took us out looking for owls, but Bizzie got lost and we wandered around in the dark until we found her, and somehow Reggie got poison ivy on his behind?
Do you remember when we were all small, but not small enough to live inside the dollhouse?
Do you remember how we used to go tromping through the muddy creek bed collecting rocks and how Bizzie and Sadie tried to sell them to the neighbors for $1 each?
Do you remember when Uncle Roland was so unhappy, for so long, and you and I made a list of 111 things we thought would cheer him up and I read the list to him but he didn't laugh until I got to #63 and then he said I was a funny girl, and you asked "what about me?" and he said you weren't that funny?
Do you remember how much Delia hated it when you called her Deli Mellie Pachelli, but you didn't stop doing it until she threatened to smash that old ceramic elephant over your head?
Do you remember that November when Fig still wanted to wear her pirate costume and when Aunt Cosmos said Halloween was over Fig said "pirates don't have calendars"?
Do you remember when we saw mold growing on the kitchen wall and Delia said she would bake a mold pie and make us eat it and you got the hiccups from crying?
Do you remember when Bizzie asked Aunt Bobo to teach her how to knit so she could make tiny hats for the chickens, to keep them warm in winter?
Do you remember how Reggie made the same exact wish every year before blowing out his birthday candles, and how we told him not to say the wish out loud or it wouldn't come true, but every year he said it out loud and that's why he never got to go up in a hot air balloon?
Do you remember Miss Felicity, the librarian, and how much she used to hate us, but when she realized we would always return our books she changed her mind and called us her little angels?
Do you remember when you wanted a bicycle and Aunt Lilian said you should ask your Uncle Richie-Rich-Rich but you didn't know she meant Uncle Roland so you didn't ask and you never got a bicycle?
Do you remember how Bizzie insisted on naming everything — socks, worms, loose teeth, dirty tissues — and how she called all these things Pete?
Do you remember how Reggie could make something break just by standing next to it, especially electrical appliances?
Do you remember how Fig always wanted us to trade shoes with her but we said no because she had such weird feet?
Do you remember how the hot chocolate always tasted like dirt when Aunt Cosmos made it, but it tasted like clouds when Aunt Bobo made it?
Do you remember the Thanksgiving when Uncle Roland forgot to pick up the turkey and Aunt Bobo was so mad she served American cheese sandwiches with grapefruit marmalade for dinner, and later she threw a spoon out the window?
Do you remember when you dreamed you made 1,000 origami birds and they all flew away?
Do you remember when Aunt Bobo got so mad at Bizzie she called her "Elizabeth Charlotte Poppie Marie" and that was the first time any of us knew that Bizzie wasn't just Bizzie?
Do you remember how Fig used to stay up half the night waiting to meet the Sandman?
Do you remember when Aunt Lilian thought we should all have piano lessons but Aunt Bobo said she was allergic to music and the piano was "Off Limits For the Duration"?
Do you remember how Bizzie tried to catch up with her shadow so she could step on her own head?
Do you remember when Aunt Lilian told Sadie she couldn't be a ballerina because she didn't have a graceful bone in her body?
Do you remember when Bizzie thought pennies brought her bad luck, but she didn't care if you got the bad luck so she gave you all her pennies?
Do you remember when Cousin Germs came to stay for a whole week and Aunt Lilian was terrified he'd find the hidden fireworks and then he did?
Do you remember how Sadie’s turtle, Zilantria, was dead for two weeks before anyone realized it?
Do you remember when Delia said she'd kill anyone who used her hairbrush and how we never told her about Fig?
Do you remember how Reggie could never zip up a zipper?
Do you remember how we always knew where Aunt Lilian was because her shoes squeaked when she walked?
Do you remember when Fig won the Groundhog Day Talent Show because she could wiggle her eyebrows, whistle through the gap in her teeth, snap her fingers, stomp her feet, and swirl around, all at the same time?
Do you remember when Sadie went on strike against the vowels?
Do you remember how Bizzie was the best at hide-and-seek and how annoying it was when we couldn't find her for hours and hours?
Do you remember when Fig made up that song about the tap-dancing mermaid with the chorus that went "tip tap tip, swish swash swish, swash swashily swashily away"?
Do you remember when Delia got her new library card and could go into the Adult Room but we still had to use the Children's Room, which was so unfair because Delia didn't love books the way we did?
Do you remember when Sadie ran away from home but she only got as far as the corner before coming back because she said she missed us so terribly much?
Do you remember when Uncle Roland said he wished he could go off and be a shepherd someplace high in the mountains and Aunt Cosmos said she would be happy to pack his knapsack for him.
Do you remember when Aunt Lilian got a letter with lots of foreign stamps on it and she was so secretive and mysterious about it and never told us where it came from, or who sent it, no matter how many times we asked?
Do you remember how Reggie was always saying there were too many girls?
Do you remember the tree house Uncle Roland was always promising to build?
Do you remember when Delia was going through her polka dot phase and Uncle Roland cut off her allowance until she promised not to buy any more of those awful nylon scarves?
Do you remember when Sadie and Bizzie poured the waffle batter into the toaster and how surprised they were when things turned out the way they did?
Do you remember how much we loved going through the aunts' things, especially Aunt Bobo's, because she had the prettiest slips and bras and underpants?
Do you remember when Fig swallowed the goldfish by mistake and Aunt Lilian said one day we'd all be eating goldfish if things kept on the way they were going and Aunt Cosmos said "Get a grip, Lilian"?
Do you remember when Aunt Bobo threw away all the cookbooks because she was sick and tired of taking orders from people she didn't even know?
Do you remember when Sadie and Bizzie renamed the downstairs bathroom The Lavatory/Laboratory and launched their Sadizzy Lotions and Potions Empire?
Do you remember when Delia used to introduce herself to strangers as our nanny?
Do you remember how the aunts acted like they were deaf every time Bizzie asked to get her ears pierced?
Do you remember when Fig dressed the scarecrow in Reggie's clothes and Aunt Lilian asked what Reggie was doing standing out in the garden all day?
Do you remember Aunt Bobo said girls in our family should never wear blue because it made us irresistible to men and Delia went right out and bought a blue sweater and a blue blouse?
Do you remember how Fig was always snipping away at her hair so nobody would notice it getting shorter but eventually it got really short and Aunt Cosmos said "How in the world did that happen"?
Do you remember when Aunt Bobo's roses went missing?
Do you remember how Uncle Roland was always saying Fig was incapable of sitting still for a minute and then she proved him wrong by sitting perfectly still, cross-legged in the living room, for two hours?
Do you remember the terrible crush Reggie had on Miss Felicity and how he wanted to spend all day in the library just looking at her and Delia was very mean about it?
Do you remember how Sadie had that way of turning up the corners of her mouth when she told a lie?
Do you remember how we were never allowed to go to the zoo, no matter how much we begged, because the aunts were deathly afraid of elephants and Uncle Roland said he couldn't possibly handle us on his own?
Do you remember when Delia had that secret boyfriend who wasn't a secret to anybody?
Do you remember the day Bizzie discovered the 32 broken black umbrellas in the back of the hall closet and thought they were giant bats?
Do you remember when Sadie glued all her fingers together?
Do you remember when Aunt Lilian worried that we weren't getting enough culture so Aunt Cosmos offered to teach us how to fold napkins into animal shapes?
Do you remember when you were first learning how to juggle and you practiced with the crystal wine glasses?
Do you remember when Reggie put an advertisement in the paper that said "Boys Wanted" and the police came to the house to investigate?
Do you remember the night Delia said the dictionary was the most seditious book in the world and Uncle Roland said she wouldn't even know the word seditious if it weren't for the dictionary and Delia called him a bourgeois reprobate and Aunt Cosmos said she was going to lock up the dictionary and throw away the key?
Do you remember when Aunt Lilian went away for a few days and Aunt Bobo said she was entitled to a lost weekend (even though it was not a weekend) and when she came home she seemed so much more cheerful?
Do you remember when Delia's not-so-secret boyfriend came for dinner and no one liked him, not even Delia?
Do you remember when Sadie and Bizzie invented a concoction in their Lavatory/Laboratory, made out of butter, bananas, dandelions, dirt, and grape jelly, and claimed it cured freckles?
Do you remember when Aunt Cosmos suddenly started reciting poetry in Russian?
Do you remember when Uncle Roland grew a mustache and waxed it and twirled it and Aunt Lilian said he treated his lip hair like a pet?
Do you remember how Aunt Bobo always cut the crusts off the tuna fish sandwiches, but never the egg salad sandwiches, and we never knew why?
Do you remember when a bible salesman rang the doorbell and Bizzie went out onto the porch and talked with him for hours?
Do you remember those Sunday nights when we gathered around the dining room table to play Parcheesi and you always won and Delia said “this game is rigged”?
Do you remember when Sadie got a mosquito bite and Aunt Lilian thought it was the first sign of measles and she sent Sadie upstairs and put a "Quarantined" sign on the door?
Do you remember how Reggie used to go out early in the morning after a big storm and place little mounds of snow on the fence posts and call them snow boobies?
Do you remember when Sadie got a perfumed letter from the Scottsdale cousins, inviting her to visit, and nobody else was invited so then we knew for certain that Sadie really was the nicest one of us?
Do you remember the time Aunt Bobo said she would only cook foods that began with the letter R and that meant a lot of rhubarb, radishes, rice, raisins, and rutabaga?
Do you remember when Aunt Lilian took us to the Botanical Gardens and Reggie said he would never live in a glass house because then people could see him on the toilet and Aunt Lilian said "Never say toilet in public" and Reggie said "You just did" and Aunt Lilian said she was never taking us anyplace again?
Do you remember when Bizzie had dozens of pen-pals and invited each one to stop by for Kool-Aid and cookies as though they lived around the corner instead of on the other side of the world?
Do you remember when Delia got her driver's license and you didn't want to get in the car with her and I said it would be safe but it turned out that you were right and I was wrong?
Do you remember when the ghost moved into the storage room and everyone could see it except Aunt Bobo?
Do you remember when Sadie said she wanted Aunt Cosmos to be her mother and Aunt Lilian said she wanted Aunt Cosmos to be her mother, too?
Do you remember the huge mirror in the front hallway and how every single time you saw your reflection you would say "That's not me"?
Do you remember when Reggie had more than 1,000 marbles and he insisted on counting them every night before going to bed, to make sure none of us had stolen a single one?
Do you remember when Fig said she would hold her breath until she got a pony and we were so scared because we didn't want her to die?
Do you remember when Delia went to see a hypnotist and he told her she was Cleopatra in her past life (or at least, that’s what she said he said)?
Do you remember the awful shoe store man who pinched our toes hard and said that would make our feet stop growing so quickly?
Do you remember when Fig said if she couldn’t have a pony then she wanted to be one?
Do you remember when Delia went bowling with her new boyfriend and ended up breaking three fingers and two toes?
Do you remember when Bizzie wanted to change her name to Barbie, and Sadie wanted to change her name to Susie, but Fig said she was happy to be Fig forever and ever?
Do you remember those Saturday afternoons when Aunt Lilian listened to the opera on the radio and cried in her room for hours?
Do you remember when the aunts took us to see Peter Pan and Sadie got a crush on that flying boy but Reggie said Tinker Bell gave him a toothache and he would like to wring her skinny little neck?
Do you remember when Delia came to every single one of us and said “I’m sorry” but she never explained what she was sorry about?
Do you remember when Aunt Bobo baked a cherry pie and ate the whole thing by herself and didn't even share a teeny tiny crumb with anyone else?
Do you remember when Reggie said he wanted to be a cowboy when he grew up, or if not a cowboy then a professional gambler or an astronaut or a mind reader or a lion tamer?
Do you remember when Uncle Roland threatened to move out and go live in the doghouse, but we didn’t have a doghouse, not even a dog?
Do you remember when Aunt Cosmos offered to give Aunt Bobo a make-over and Aunt Bobo said “over my dead body” and then Aunt Cosmos said “you already look like a corpse”?
Do you remember when Fig walked around the house wearing her ice skates because she was lonely for winter?
Do you remember that time Bizzie found some mothballs and thought they were candy and the ambulance had to be called?
Do you remember when Aunt Bobo accused Uncle Roland of hiding all her shoes and it turned out that he really did do that?
Do you remember when Sadie swore she would wear purple for the rest of her life, but the next day she forgot and wore her orange blouse with those awful green shorts?
Do you remember the day the census taker came to the house and got so confused and said he had a splitting headache and could someone bring him an aspirin?
Do you remember when you went out looking for 4-leaf clovers and found all those bunnies instead?
Do you remember when someone left a dozen roses on the front steps and Delia thought they were for her but it turned out they were for Aunt Lilian and she never told us who sent them?
Do you remember when we discovered Uncle Roland was colorblind and Aunt Cosmos said “that explains everything”?
Do you remember when Fig kept saying “That’s not fair” and Aunt Lilian said she would give her $5 if she never said that again and then Bizzie and Sadie said “That’s not fair” and Aunt Lilian walked out the door and didn’t come home for two days?
Do you remember when you guessed how many jelly beans were in the jar in the window of Downer’s Pharmacy but you didn’t win anything because Mr. Downer accused you of cheating and we all agreed we would not set foot in that store ever again?
Do you remember the day the house plants died all at once and Reggie looked so guilty but he never admitted to anything and the terrible mystery was never solved?
Do you remember all the millions of times you and I wished Mommy and Daddy were still alive?
